Confrontation is inevitable, and how we handle it can either strengthen or weaken our relationships with the people in our lives. A real relationship cannot exist or survive without successful conflict resolution.

One thing I love about confrontation is the opportunity to see how the other person communicates and expresses themselves.  Confrontation allows you to see each other in adversity, when perhaps the worse of you is revealed and how you and the other person handle the often dreaded confrontation. While the experience is typically never a positive thing, it allows you to see how you and the other person handle arguments and it allows both of you to have an idea of what to expect in disagreements down the road, because they will arise.

There is fine art to confrontation, and handling conflict, unfortunately, many of us do not possess such skills.

When confronting someone about an issue don’t attack him or her, instead focus on the issue and how it made you feel. Often times the other person in the confrontation may not have realized that their actions hurt you and if you just begin screaming at him or her, I can assure you they will want nothing more to do with you. Instead, try to wait until you two are alone so you can talk one on one – making a scene in a group or public is not forthcoming.

When faced with conflict with another person and they bring such an issue to my attention I always follow these steps:

Listen. Listen to what s/he is saying – devoting all of your attention on him/her. (No txts, No TV, your eyes and ears on them).

Empathize. Put yourself in his/her shoes. Try to understand where s/he is coming from and listen to their point of view. Many conflicts we encounter in life are because we viewed a situation in a different light than that other person.

Apologize. Apologize about what happened – and be sincere. If you value his/her friendship, or your relationship with this person, after listening to him/her, putting yourself in the same situation and understanding what they are going through, apologize for what happened and how they must be feeling.

Describe (if necessary) Describe your take of what happened. As I just alluded, often times in life each party viewed a situation or conflict in two different ways – when someone explains how s/he felt about what happened (and if that was NOT your intention to make him/her feel in that manner) then express your view of the subject matter at hand, and apologize again for not taking their feelings into account.

As a reminder, it is important to NOT attack the other person, but to attack the issue or the problem at hand. Avoid using terms of accusation (such as YOU), instead focus on telling him or her how you feel about the situation (I feel.. I think.., etc.).

Confrontation should be viewed as an opportunity to build your relationship, but if you aren’t careful you can destroy your relationship by being flippant. Open, honest communication should always be shared between you and the other party involved during every confrontation and if you both respect one another the conflict will obliviate - and your relationship will become stronger.

As a side note, if a person is flippant with me after multiple attempts of resolving a conflict and s/he makes it obvious they do not care in resolving the issue as rational adult, it may be best to move on with your life and not try to work things out with him/her.

You went to bed at 9PM, but it is now 3AM and you have yet to get a wink of sleep.  You’ve been tossing and turning all night and are unable to relax.  You took a hot shower, tried counting sheep, and you’ve even tried listening to the sounds of the rainforest CD you received as a Christmas gift last year — but nothing is working.  And if that wasn’t bad enough, you have that huge presentation tomorrow in front of the senior board of directors.

If you’re like me, you don’t want to take any type of sleep medications – because after taking those medications you’ll have even more issues than just not being able to sleep.  (Don’t you just love how medication fixes one thing and causes you twenty other ailments?)  And if you’re like me you also don’t want to take melatonin, because while it is a 100% natural option, melatonin gives you man boobs (seriously though that is a real side effect from melatonin, so unless you are a chic, or you are a dude that wishes you were a chic— don’t take melatonin).

So what to do?

I have the solution for you!  It’s Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime 100% Natural Herbal Tea.  I found it about 8 years ago and I always keep a box around the house for nights when I can’t sleep.  A hot mug or three of this tea steeped to perfection with a spoonful or two of 100% pure honey is not only delicious but relaxes your mind, body and soul.

You know you are going to have one of those sleepless nights sometime (perhaps you are having one tonight), so why not run down to your local major grocery store and pick up a box and a bottle of 100% pure honey.  You need your rest to perform at your best!

By the way, this month is National Hot Tea Month, so why not celebrate by taking my recommendation to heart and trying Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime tea (even if you don’t have any problems sleeping, this tea still relaxes your mind, body and soul).  I seriously love this tea and it works for me.  As a note, I do NOT get paid to endorse products or services and the views I express here are real, personal recommendations.

There are a great number of books available at the bookstore. Some books best quality is the dust jacket that covers the book. Many other books can easily be summarized in a few words. Others you can skip multiple chapters and still have a good understanding of the book.

Out of all the books in the world, there are only a small percentage of those books which you pick up and can’t put it down. Smaller still is the percentage of books which you crave to read over again and share with friends. 

As it is with books, so it is with people. There are billions of people in the world and some people best quality is their cover on the outside – whether that is their looks, body, clothes, house or car. But these outer appearances are the only real quality they possess. They are empty, shallow, and superficial. Spending any time with these people will be a waste of effort, time and money. 

A great deal of other people can easily be summarized or categorized by a few words that accurately depict the characteristics of an individual – what you read in the summary is exactly what you get and don’t expect anything more. Spending time with them is exactly how you anticipated – nothing more or less. If you know how the story ends, why waste time with this one?

Yet others you can observer from a safe distance and know everything about him/her – kind of like skipping chapters in a book. You could not talk to them for months or years and not have missed anything. There’s nothing there to discover. 

There are a very limited amount of people that can actually captivate my attention and keep it – and only one that we can’t put down and we just crave to read over and again and tell our friends, family and the world about. 

I’m still looking for that book to read. I’m through with fancy covers and skipping chapters.